It’s a wonderful, wonderful day* when you engage your first “helper person” – whether they are a personal assistant, housekeeper, bookkeeper, gardener, etc. But then comes the tricky part: actually having to ask them to do specific things for you in often very specific ways**.
* May 6, 2009
** Cuz you want what you want how you want it.

I’m writing this because I’ve recently had four clients tell me the exact same thing…

…“I want to let my ‘helper person’ know that I need them to do something(s) differently, but I don’t want to hurt their feelings.”

Hearing this from those four people confirmed that: a) they are lovely and caring souls and b) they are doomed*.
* But not for long as I’m about to drop some sweet, sweet guidance all up in here!

As the employer, your relationship with someone you hire can feel difficult to navigate for many reasons… maybe you two are the same age, or they are significantly older than you are, or you two are friends, or they are in a lower economic situation than you are, or you’ve never been a “boss” before, or this is their first job, or, or, or.

Because of the above, this is often how things unfold:

You like them, you want them to like you, and you want them to like working for you, so, from the get-go, you try your best to be super cool and very nice. You describe the job (maybe even in detail) and then you encourage them do their thing.

As you start to see where some adjustments could be made, you become concerned that being too “bossy” might hurt their feelings, so you tentatively try dropping some (extra nice) hints.

Alas, a Petri dish filled to the brim with nice is often a breeding ground for resentments.

You start to resent that they aren’t reading your mind*. Also, you resent that now you’ll probably have to say something** because they aren’t automatically being as capable as you hoped they would be.
* How dare they not!
** Why are they torturing you?!

On their end, because they have started to feel a weird vibe of vague dissatisfaction emanating from you, they begin to disengage and become less communicative because they don’t want to piss you off and jeopardize their job.

Despite how nice you continue to be to each other, the relationship deteriorates to the point where they quit (or you fire them) and then you’re walking around the house in your socks all like: “But I was so nice!”

In any type of business relationship, communicating clear expectations – not merely being nice – is what actually prevents you from hurting other people’s feelings.

What’s one of the easiest ways to communicate clear expectations?

Checklists.

Checklists are not cold, they are clear.

Checklists provide clarity – to both you and the person you hire – regarding your expectations of them and the exact criteria that you will be using to evaluate their performance. Checklists provide a reference point from which you can make course corrections*. Checklists provide a respectful yet depersonalized way to communicate, saving you the energy of having to navigate around emotional landmines.
* I’ve found that using the phrase “course corrections” works very well. When I begin working with someone, I let them know that, from time to time, I will likely make “course corrections” with them and that this is not a sign that I am angry, it is just natural part of creating our rhythm together. I also let them know that if they see something that could be done more efficiently or effectively, they are welcome to suggest “course corrections” to me too.

A checklist in action:
Every month, my 117-point checklist* is printed out and left waiting for my cleaning person. I know that sounds insane, but consider that he has many other clients and visits me only once each month so how else is this wonderful professional supposed to remember all the particulars about what I do and don’t want done? With the checklist, we don’t need to have reminder conversations and if there are special things to be done (or skipped) during a particular visit I can just write them on the paper. (He loves it and now creates checklists for his other clients.)
* Curious? You can download it by clicking here.

A checklist in action:
I have witnessed numerous parents tell their child to “go clean your room” and then get angry when the kid does nothing more than shove all the stuff out of sight. If a parent posts a little checklist in their child’s room that defines exactly what will be looked at when they return (the elements of a “clean room”), the parent would not only reduce the emotional heat of the situation but also teach their child* how to use a valuable tool.
* Checklists work with spouses too. And nannies. And for packing, grocery shopping, and surgeries.

If you’d like my help to design and implement some strategies and systems that would enable you to experience living and working with less effort and more ease, we can certainly have that conversation.

Best always,