You already know that nothing about caregiving is tidy.

And there is usually a range of motivations behind the choices we make and sometimes our fears and yearnings and logic can get all tangled up inside our hearts and minds.

I see this with my clients who are struggling to accept that how they will be cared for in their life is NOT something they can karmically control by being extra-good to their parent or sibling or partner or whomever they are caring for. That’s not how life works.

But the uncertainty of it all can be so unsettling that some folks throw all of their energy into caregiving fueled by a story like: “I will not be worthy of care when my time comes unless I provide the UTMOST care for this person” or “Being a supreme caregiver for this member of my family will give me the right to demand the same treatment from my family when my time comes.” That’s not how life works.

First, we’re not always rewarded for our service – in any capacity.

And second, your loved one’s end-of-life experience and your end-of-life experience are TWO SEPARATE THINGS. They will happen in two different ways, at two different times, possibly with different combinations of people involved.

Rather than spend energy trying to karmically protect yourself by being a Superstar Caregiver, use some of that energy to detangle your thoughts and feelings about what’s happening with this person in the present from what may or may not happen with you in the future.

This is difficult but important work – and it will help you stay connected to yourself and your goals while you give care.

Details about my group coaching program for caregivers are here.