Caregiving is not just about giving care.
From the Big Picture Perspective, a caregiving situation offers you daily opportunities for you to start shifting your relationship with control and perfectionism.
Clinging to the illusions of control and perfection may have actually brought you some comfort over the years in different ways, but I guarantee they have been slow, constant drains on your energy.
Perhaps you desire to be in “control of a situation” because you want to “prove” something to one or more people – to Prove Your Worth, to Prove Your Capabilities, to Prove you are a Good Person.
But what if you decided that, as an adult, you don’t need to prove anything to anyone any more?
What if you decided that, as a caregiver, you don’t need to earn gold stars from anyone?
What if you simply decided to start giving yourself the approval and appreciation that you desire from others?
Or, maybe you are equating “being in control in a situation” as being “safe in that situation.”
That can certainly be what your childhood self determined was true back in the day, but you are an adult now. And a more useful, energy conserving story might be: “My sense of safety comes from knowing that I can handle whatever life brings.” Not handle it perfectly, just handle it.
Embracing that story is not going to save your loved one. Trying to control everything and be the perfect caregiver is not going to save your loved one either. But making the most of the self-growth opportunities that caregiving definitely provides can make this journey a more peaceful one for you both.
Thank you for spending this time with me – and thank you for being one of the ones who care.
Details about my group coaching program for caregivers are here.