As you know, caregiving requires so much heavy lifting – emotionally (and often physically) – and even more so when it involves our parent or parents in any way, whether they are the ones we are caring for or whether they are involved (or uninvolved) in the caregiving situation.
And the heavy lifting gets even heavier when we don’t have the type of relationship with our parents that we’d like.
No matter how old we are, part of us will always want our parents to be the kind of parents our heart desires them to be, but not all of us get to have that kind of relationship with one or both of our parents.
Part of adulthood is grieving the loss of the relationship that “could have been” and coming to terms with the relationship that is, and then finding healthy ways to heal around that truth.
There are, however, several bumps on the road to healing that many of us encounter – especially when we’re in a caregiving situation.
One of those bumps can be a desire for a cathartic moment.
That could either be the moment where you tell your parents off and slam the door shut behind you just as the dramatic music swells and you never have to see them again – or it could be a moment where your parent finally truly sees you and finally understands and agrees with your perspective AND finally acknowledges and feels regret for their wrong doings AND finally genuinely and accurately apologizes to you.
Yeah, the odds are you’re probably not going to get that moment. So fantasizing about those kinds of cathartic moments or requiring catharsis for your own healing creates a significant energy leak – an energy leak that can remain even after your parent has died.
Plugging these leaks is difficult but important work – please don’t hesitate to get the support you need.
Thank you for being one of the ones who care.
Details about my group coaching program for caregivers are here.